Back in late winter I was planning on moving back to Texas because I wasn’t sure where I was going with my life. I was at a point of uncertainty; I was at a fork in the road. Sometimes our lives bring us to that fork and we have to decide what path to take. Life is totally full of those choices.
Back in late winter I was planning on moving back to Texas because I wasn’t sure where I was going with my life. I was at a point of uncertainty; I was at a fork in the road. Sometimes our lives bring us to that fork and we have to decide what path to take. Life is totally full of those choices. I have been at that fork a few times in my life. One being when I was fifteen and the decision to live my life as a lie or coming out as a gay boy. Second when I was twenty-three and the decision to move on with my life as a woman or to never be her. And lastly this past winter when I was stuck with my life and where it was to go.
At fifteen I thought I was going to die for being gay in the area I grew up in. I have said this many times over that I never met a gay person in my life prior to that. I grew up in a sheltered world. Back in 1995 there really wasn’t any gay depiction on TV. So life was a little rough, but I had that fork in the road. Do I live my life in denial or do I move on as who I felt I was happy with? I chose the path of happiness. I think our true journey in life is to follow our heart. I have always followed my heart but always had the burden of hurting others. What I have learned is that if you are truly happy with yourself the ones that matter will still love you. Being so young and not experienced with the gay life I turned into a fast lane of my life. I did so many things that I once had regret. I hurt a lot of people but in the end I can look back and see I was following my heart.
At twenty-one I had gone to my birth mother and told her that I wanted to be a woman. She had set me down and told me that would be a mistake. She had told me that I would never get to see the side of my family that raised me because they would disown me. That scared me so much, I ran back into that closet that I was in at fifteen wondering which way to go. I held my feelings in for a couple of more years till I could figure out what I wanted to do with my life. At twenty-three I moved to Chicago, and once again was at that fork in the road of life. Which way to go? The journey of this lie that my mother had made me take a few years ago? And not happy at all. Or the life of transitioning to become a woman? I finally was faced with one of the hardest decisions of my life; be happy being who my heart told me to be and hurt possibly people I love. Or living the lie and not being happy with whom I am? I chose the path of life that would get me to where I am today. I chose to be Kennidi fulltime. This transition made my relationship with my family rocky but in the end, they had seen my happiness and accepted it. Everything takes time and we can’t expect people to just one day say ‘ok I accept’. It all takes time.
Now at twenty-seven I had come to my last fork in the road. I had everything I could want to, or what I thought. I was complete in my transition and had a good life. My family was accepting of me finally and things were going well. I had just auditioned for a reality show on Bravo, and being transgendered had got me far in the audition process. People had known who I was, but I was still not happy with something. But this time I didn’t know exactly what it was. I wanted to just run away. Here I was stuck and the fork told me either move back to Texas or stay in Chicago. Something in my heart had told me to stay in Chicago. Boy, was that the best decision I had done.
Sometimes our hearts are the most important things we should listen to in our lives. I have people come up to me and tell me that they are stuck. They are either in a relationship that isn’t them, they are a lot older and feel like they should have followed their hearts sooner in life, or they are jealous of the next person. I usually tell people who are in these situations and come to me with their issue, I tell them follow their heart. Your heart will tell you what path to take in your life. Sometimes you might hurt those people you love but in the end they will come around to see what your heart is telling you. Throughout my life the biggest learning experience for me is following my heart. When our heart guides us through life God will truly bless you with something remarkable. Follow your bliss in life, sometimes it might be the hardest thing you do but in the end you will truly be blessed!
Take time to re-evaluate your life, and if you are at the fork in the road, follow the path that your heart tells you. You will see so much happiness in the end. No matter what sexual orientation you are we all have hearts and should live our lives through our hearts. Take time to listen to your own. If you have questions or want to talk to me email me at kmonroe@tglife.com
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