Valentine's Day this year found me dreaming about my upcoming wedding. What's different about a transgender wedding? Nothing, if I have my way.
Terry and I will be married later this year in a combined religious and civil ceremony at Old South Church in Boston (UCC). The church has been a part of this country's history in many ways since its founding in 1669, including being one of the first to bless gay unions. Old South has never had a problem recognizing me as a woman and has always made me feel welcome.
When I met Terry, it was truly was love at first sight. She proposed to me last year and wanted to get married right away, but I responded, "I need more time!" Not because I wasn't ready to marry her, not at all. I just needed more time to learn all the stuff about weddings that I likely would be aware of by now if I had been raised a girl.
I certainly never thought about being a bride. I never read Brides Magazine nor imagined being Cinderella. When I married my late wife Barbara in 1975, I was the groom and my name was Jeff. But after figuring out later in life that I was transgender, I often found myself tearing up at the sight of wedding gowns and wishing I had had the experience.
So how could I make up for years of missed learning in a matter of months? I decided that a wedding planner would be a must. Yet, I'm a transgender woman. Could I find a wedding planner who would be comfortable with that?
My concern led me to choose Bernadette Smith, founder of 14 Stories. Bernadette bills herself as the country's first and foremost same-gender wedding planner, with good reason. When Massachusetts became the first state to allow same-gender marriage in 2004, Bernadette was ready to start assisting the happy couples.
After six years of same-gender weddings, 14 Stories has compiled an impressive roster of venues, caterers, florists, printers, bridal shops, and musicians who all see no problem with diversity. I figured that the the last thing I would want in planning my wedding would be to get lectured to by a vendor who didn't believe my marriage was proper.
Bernadette happily signed on and earned her keep almost right away. I couldn't imagine that a bridal shop would be prepared for a transgender client. Moreover, I worried that there would not be a gown suitable for me, with my narrow hips and broad shoulders. But Bernadette knew of just the right place, I immediately found several gowns I liked, and I left that day with the gown! It's has a beautiful sweetheart neckline and an A-line skirt and... oh wait, you're not supposed to know until wedding day! I can tell you that I feel positively regal in it.
Like other weddings, the person I will be marrying will be wearing a suit -- in our case, a tux. Terry has always wanted to wear one. I'm really excited about this -- she looks great in suits.
Continue reading here
Joanne Herman is a Transgender advocate and author of "Transgender Explained For Those Who Are Not"
Mail to a friendCOMMENTS
- On March 01 At 15:32 -Berta- said
I loved this story. How wonderful it must be to thrill to the exquiste feeling of a beautifu bridal gown gracing the male form. Wish there were shops that allowed us satin lovers to try a few on to have that, imo, most wonderful "dressing" experience of a satin full skirted bridal gown gracing their body!
