The student newspaper of Yasheva University conducted an interview with a transsexual living within the orthodox Jewish community.
The Observer: What sex were you at birth?
Yonina: At birth, I was male. At this time, I still am operating under such appearances, as I only recently began the transition process, and not many people are aware of my situation yet.
The Observer: At what age did you feel that you were in truth a member of the opposite sex?
Yonina: My earliest memories have me realizing that I was really a girl. I remember one point when I must have been either four or five years old that I really felt that I was in the wrong body. From that moment on, there were few times that the feelings did not constantly invade my thoughts.
The Observer: Did you tell anyone of this feeling/ what were the responses to your attempt to do so?
Yonina: Not until I told my wife that I was having dreams about being a woman. At that time, we were married about a little more than a year (we are coming up to 10 years of marriage now in just a few months), and things were getting to me. I never honestly thought I would find a need to transition. I thought that I may have been able to "get over it" and live a normal life, which is why I didn't think I walked into my marriage in any deceptive manner, etc. When I finally told my wife, she was confused what it was that I was dealing with, and it wasn't until a few years later that things really started getting worse in terms of dangerous actions on my part that she made me see my first therapist. Finally, for some reason I am still not sure of, I told my parents in November/December of last year, and they were quite concerned - they helped me find my current therapist (#3), and understand what I'm going through, and are somewhat supportive, though they will not stop at anything to keep me in the way they have known for all these years.
The Observer: What Jewish affiliation do you currently have, if any? What affiliation did you have at birth?
Yonina: FFB [frum from birth], and still the same.
The Observer: Would you say that becoming transsexual/ becoming a member of the opposite gender is a choice?
Yonina: I wish I could say it's a choice! Realizing that you have a body that does not fit with what your mind expects to find is a big problem. It has caused me much emotional harm and suffering over many years, and has cost me a tremendous amount - in just about every manner you can expect; financially - it is incredibly expensive to be transgendered/transsexual, as the costs of the medications (hormones, etc) are quite high and there are many things I need to do to feminize my body such as hair removal, etc. It has also cost me emotionally, spiritually, physically and so many other ways all in their own way, as you can probably imagine. When I finally do make the full transition, I will have probably spent close to $50,000 just to become the woman I know I am supposed to be. That is not cheap, and is certainly not a choice.
The Observer: If it is a choice, why would one choose to do so? If it is not, how would you describe it?
Yonina: The easiest way to describe the feelings that I have is by saying that if one morning you woke up and realized you had been transformed into a man, but your mind and heart know you are a woman, you would not feel comfortable in your new body. You would try and understand what happened, and why HaShem [God] made that curse come about. I am sure that there are those in the TS community that would say being trans is not necessarily a curse, but possibly a bracha [blessing.] To me, it is a curse, and I have to deal with the consequences of it every day of my life. I have two young children and a wife who I absolutely adore. I cannot see living without them, and I know that by transitioning, there are certain issues I will be thrusting upon them at such a young age, that I only hope they will be able to cope with. How can I tell my daughter that all men are not like me - that she can feel comfortable that the man she will fall in love with and decide to build a home with will not do the same thing that I feel I must do to my wife? How can I tell my son that I am not the typical male role model he will need growing up? It's horrible. There is no other way to describe being trans other than being a curse or punishment from HaShem for doing something at some point. There is also biological evidence that this is not something of one's choosing, as the hormones that wash over the fetus early in pregnancy carry the TS condition, and the only question is to what degree the individual will feel disconnected during their lifetime, and to what extremes they will go to correct the condition.
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