When we last got together I wrote about my first experience in the world as as my feminine self. From the success of not being ridiculed publicly or beat up in the parking lot, two major realizations became apparent: I discovered I could live in the world in my chosen gender and that I enjoyed it!
All of that was well and good. What I didn't realize was how far away I was from doing it.
The first problem I had was adjusting to a stable style I would chose as a woman. I was used to basically never seeing anyone in the public more than once or twice. I could go out as a blond one day, a red head the next and a brunette the third and who would know?
However, if was to establish myself in the world as a woman, I would now have to settle into who I wanted to become.
Actually, the process just sort of evolved rather naturally with some really stupid trial and error decisions mixed in. Like most of us do, I tried to go too blond and too flashy for my age and body and got the usual result-ridicule. From the experiences things evolved until a personal style began to emerge. I can only describe it as vintage hippie-girl meets middle aged upscale woman.
I discovered the fun of shopping for just the right classic piece to complement my wardrobe and outfits, and discovered that I had quite the knack for mixing and matching styles and colors. What a surprise!
I should mention the time-line on most of this: three to four years; boring you with how many times I haunted sales and thrift stores for just the right piece of clothing that ended looking terrible on me would be a waste of words.
The Most important learning process was developing an inner confidence and outward attitude. About the time I thought I had the transition process down, something would happen that would reduce me to tears. You name it, I've been there and experienced it.
What emerged from the process however, was lerning that I wasn't transitioning at all. I was just becoming me. If the world didn't like me, well, then that was their problem. Ironically, I started to go out to be alone. To put it simply, about 5 years ago I lost the three closest people to me in my life in the space of a year. So I was very much alone as I started to follow my gender instincts.
I chose three or four places I would go on a regular basis. These were all your regular upscale sports bar/restaurant type places with straight clientele. I would sit as a woman and order a few drinks and something to eat and watched and felt the world swirl around me. The great majority of the time the world was too busy to notice me at all, and when they did notice I was trans, I mostly experienced curiosity.
Sure there were a few ugly incidents which I will go into later, BUT two major things happened. The first was that I was evolving away from my male self rather quickly, and the othe was that I was beginning to develop a whole new life with people who never knew me before.
When we meet again, I'm going to backtrack a bit and take you through some specific experiences that led to all of this!