I have written numerous times of the importance of transitioning from the inside out.

Of course, nothing is ever easy when you are considering living in the gender you weren't born with. However, the more you open the door and explore the world, you just may find there are more people than you imagine that you fit in with.

First of all, toss looks basically out the door.  Sure, if you are a natural beauty then for the most part you may not be reading this at all. Bottom line is I spent decades as a basic weekend cross dresser before I finally figured out why none of that was working. The best part of the process however was learning the basics of my style, shopping and public reaction.

When I realized I closely identified as a transgender woman, the world began to come at me fast. All of the sudden my appearance had to become something I took for granted- I better figure out how to deal with people who wanted to know what my deal was.

To simplify a very complex process, "I had to hitch up my big girl panties and get with it."

"Getting with it" was a long process and often very scary. As you will have to do, I came up with a quiet confidence of who I was: a transgender woman going about my life with as much right and dignity as anyone else.

Then the fun started! Men of course then and now still steer clear of me while women have a tendency to do just the opposite. I won't bore you with the reasons. The only reason I sense is important is that I still am a middle critter and don't threaten traditional female stereotypes. I also feel that women by nature are teachers and of course had some ideas for me. Examples? When I talked to a couple of my genetic girl friends they began to tell me when I was responding "like a guy" or most recently, the best place to secure my cell phone was in my bra. Every occasion turned into a classroom for me.

OK, before you think "how the heck do I get to that point?". here are a few tips that worked for me.

I dumped my reliance on gay venues. In many ways I was as foreign to them as a trans person as I was to a so called straight person. I didn't like the music and I wanted to bring my love of sports with me to my feminine side. Again, I hitched up my big girl panties and started to go to certain upscale large chain sports pubs/restaurants.  I was fortunate in that I had worked in similar venues for years and knew the positives and negatives. Here's what happened for me: I made acquaintances with the staff quickly... Obviously, I minded my own business, tipped well and left. As luck would have it quickly, one of the bartenders introduced me to her lesbian Mom and not long later was approached by another lesbian woman in the same place.  Once again, this venue is very straight and the two other women happen to be sports addicts too.

In conclusion, my other contacts (again all women) came from dating sites. A year ago I had two friends from that angle and now I have four from meeting their friends.

I know what you are thinking. "Just where the hell do I go with all of this?" I don't drink and I don't like sports Cyrsti.

I'm assuming you have some sort of interests you want to bring along on this gender journey. Perhaps there are LGBT friendly churches or groups in your area with services and or social events. Most importantly, remember this: You only need one person to break the ice and get this process moving.

Warning- DO NOT try to force or expect another woman to dress you or make you up etc. Even though your makeup may need some work, it's still yours. Let them come to you with the process-if indeed they ever do and never forget the passive aggressive feminine nature. When you are given access to the circle you will see it isn't really all that mysterious.

Also remember this. If you don't try and hide behind your closet door nothing will happen. Count on it.

Finally,I covered a lot of ground here.  If you would like to bounce more specific ideas off me or learn more of mine please contact me here!

Last modified onMonday, 31 March 2014 14:49
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