Thanksgiving Joy - Being a Woman

My way of sharing follows in the traditions that my mother set for years and years. She was a fantastic baker and always held Christmas and New Year’s dinners for the whole family. She would make cookies and pies and give them to friends, neighbors and sometimes people she didn’t know -- such as workers who would do repairs at her house. It was always important to tip the trash collectors and the garbage collectors for a tough job well done. 

The tradition was given to me in February of 2010 with her passing. Now as Halloween approaches I am looking through the cookbooks and planning every detail. There is just one thing different, me! 

My decision to transition was a difficult one. I needed to understand in my head what was driving me; I needed clarity. I love the song "Clarity" (by ZEDD) because it speaks to that inner turmoil that I felt.

I met with a TS friend the weekend before Thanksgiving to share my emotions. With my armor off I was able to 
 share my soul with an understanding friend.

After lots of Kleenex it became obvious that my concerns were of others (my wife), and not myself. My wife can be a negative person by nature, and my transitioning is just another aspect she is not happy about. I found my clarity!

We enjoyed the evening as two girlfriends. Palm Beach has a city walk area where we had so much fun just being out and about.

The recycle girls (left) were so cute and had a message.

In the photo they made outfits with the recycle material they represented! It was so cool! And they were having so much fun doing it. 

The following week was Thanksgiving.

The day before Thanksgiving I made two pies, most of the sides, picked up a 19 pound turkey and dressed it with the family recipe (with my own variation) that all would love. I was done by 1:30 AM time for bed. The next day I awoke at 6:00 AM to make the turkey dinner for 14 people. How I loved beingin the kitchen. 

It was a wonderful opportunity to serve healthy choices to family and friends while preserving the taste of the classics. I loved every minute of it and felt the happiness of a mother. 

I decided I would not be En Femme for this event due to a mix of people that I was not sure about who knows and who does not. I had no anxiety about conversation about me and would discuss it freely, but the subject never arose.

The two people I really wanted to reach out to as it turns out already knew, and the other was not surprised. Two out of the 14 may or may not know, but by Christmas they will. 

With the help of my sister-in-law, I am able to better understand my wife. I finally came to the realization that I have been trying to please someone who has rarely been intimate, nor appreciates how much I love her.

She will find fault in everything; that was a trait of her mother and brother. This had nothing to do with my transition however, and I will stay the course and let her decide how to deal with it.

I truly feel unchained and can deflect what is her nature to be negative as I evolve into my destiny. 

People judge you by your actions. It doesn’t matter what my presentation is, I express the same values and mannerisms. I feel female and embrace it. So it was no surprise to some because it is how I project outward that whcih I feel from within. 

The male traits and hobbies changed a few years ago. I would rather talk about fashion than football. I love shopping and think about paring outfits, color and design. I’m really not sure what caused the switch, but it is awesome and consistent in how I feel. 

As we approach the financial cliff, the end of the world, and Christmas, I am at peace.

I really don’t care what happens because I will be one step closer to a reality that is my dream!

The smell of cookies in the oven and pumpkin pie will fill my house. On December 21st I will be sharing that old time tradition of delivering cookies to my friends and my mother’s old friends who will not be forgotten.

I am starting to feel the quiet dream that makes me feel alive!